Guest blog: Andy Lopata on why, for networking and referrals, quality will always beat volume

A recent article in the London Evening Standard suggested that people are moving away from collecting as many friends as possible on Facebook and have started to ‘defriend’.

That’s a positive thing. In both business and in our day to day lives, networking is not a numbers game. I don’t simply want to be a notch on someone else’s networking bedpost.

Over the last few years, a culture has developed around networking where the aim seems to be to gain the maximum number of business cards, connections, ‘friends’ or ‘followers’.

It’s understandable. When we launched networking groups in the early days of Business Referral Exchange we gave a prize to the person who collected the most business cards in a short ice breaker at the start of an event. When I started networking I foolishly counted the number of cards I collected to determine how successful an event had been for me. On some social networks we see people ranked by how many connections they have, on others there are special groups for the ‘most connected’ members.

It’s far easier to measure the quantity of connections rather than the quality of relationships and there has traditionally been little guidance to do otherwise. Short-term measurements aren’t, however, a true reflection of the quality of your network. Rather than focusing on the numbers of people in your network, it is far more valuable to understand the value those connections bring you.

I use the strapline ‘Connecting is not Enough’ in my business because I believe very strongly that many business people are being misled. The focus on connecting with as many people as possible is leading to shallow relationships and little return. Eventually such people will turn their backs on networking and, in the process, miss out on the true potential they could have realised.

I wrote a blog ‘Why Connecting is not Enough’ after receiving a connection request on Ecademy. In the request the person looking to connect with me said, “I have been working several hours every day at making contacts with as many people as possible.” He had reached 1000 contacts in two weeks of membership of the site by sending out similar messages across the network.

The message he sent focused on him rather than me, but of course it had to. How could he possibly read 1,000 profiles and send personal messages to each and every person? A mass approach leads to broadcasting rather than engaging, telling rather than asking and speaking rather than listening.

Look around a networking event and you can identify who has a numbers approach to networking and who is focused on relationships. Watch people and see who is exchanging business cards as soon as they shake hands and launching into elevator pitches and compare them to people enjoying a relaxed conversation and building genuine rapport.

Some people, when asked for their business card, like to hand out two or three. In case, of course, you meet someone who might need their help on your travels. How many people carry around all of the business cards of everyone they meet though?

You need to be in people’s memory, not in their business card holder. After all, they are going to be in a greater position to help you if they recognise opportunities when they’re out and about, without a computer for reference.

That ability to recognise opportunities comes from developing a deep relationship where other people understand what you do, who you do it for and like and trust you enough to want to refer you.

Connecting is still not enough. You can have all of the friends and followers you like but without genuine relationships you might find yourself standing alone when you most need their help.

It would be interesting to know, if someone has ‘defriended’ you recently, did you even notice their disappearance from your network?

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Andy Lopata is a business owner named by the Financial Times as "one of Europe's leading business networking strategists". As an exclusive offer for Business Sense readers, he is offering his acclaimed book, Recommended: How to Sell Through Networking & Referrals published in July 2011 by Financial Times Prentice Hall, for a special price of just £12.25.